The last few weeks I’ve been in a bit of a funk. My husband asks if I am OK and I say, “Yes, just tired. Just feeling unmotivated and a little discouraged.” But then when we were talking last night I felt unwanted tears welling in my eyes. I don’t cry very often. I hate crying.
I have been feeling a multitude of emotions and experiencing a roller-coaster of thoughts the last few weeks. This is my life with anxiety. It causes me to avoid instead of confront. It causes me to ghost out on my friends and family. It makes me doubt myself very much. My writing. My parenting. My goals. My health. My day to day activities.
It’s not secret I struggle with anxiety. Usually I manage it pretty well, but now and again I hit a rough patch and everything spirals from there. I don’t know what causes these patches. It can be triggered by a small event, something someone does or says, or even just getting in my own head too much.
I was watching a Facebook live video that my cousin did the other day and she opened up about how she is struggling with anxiety lately. She posts live videos all the time and she is fun, bubbly, loving, and someone I really admire. I noticed she wasn’t posting videos for awhile, but I didn’t know the reason was because she was struggling with her anxiety. Her opening up about it really resonated with my own experience and I think more people struggle with it than they like to admit. Even people we admire are not immune.
I am still learning about what triggers me and how to handle it. I know anxiety can look different for everyone but these are a few examples of what it looks like for me:
-I hyper focus on something to the point that it begins to drain me…which leads to me avoiding it altogether
-I don’t want to leave the house
-I start avoiding people and situations I feel will emotionally drain me
-I begin to question what I’m doing and why I’m here (basically an existential crisis)
-I either stop eating as much or don’t pay attention to when I’ve eaten
These are just a few of the struggles I’ve been facing the last few weeks. I finally am sitting down and writing. Sometimes the best way to get over a slump is to do the thing you have been avoiding.
So here I am. Anxiety and all. Still learning and growing. If you’re still here after my ghosting period then I want to say thank you. I am grateful.
If you struggle with anxiety please reach out and share your own experience. How does it manifest for you? How do you fight it?