For My Son

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My son right after he was born

Nearly 24 hours have passed since I first felt the pangs of early labor in my back. The day has been long and eventful filled with warm baths, phone calls, a doctor visit (only to be told I still had time), to the eventual water breaking and knowing it was go time.

We have been patiently waiting for this moment. With every false contraction before the excitement grew. We set up the nursery with your crib and all your cute baby clothes. We have the swing. The carseat. We picked your name.

5:36 AM. After hours of labor, hours of pushing, finally you burst forth into this world and were in my arms. That moment something inside my soul broke and was repaired all at once. It is hard to describe the love that overwhelms you when you hold your first born child. When you smell their sweet baby smell and you feel that animalistic drive to protect them.

Becoming a mom, becoming your mom, is and was the best part of my life. I have always thought of you as a gift I don’t deserve. You are mine to love, protect, teach, and guide.

You have taught me that I am capable of doing hard things. You have taught me patience. Shown me the ways I am flawed and what I need to improve upon.

Sometimes I see myself in you. You have the same introspective nature I did when I was a child. You are sensitive. You are so kind and considerate of others. Everyone says you look like me. In those ways we are similar.

Your mind rivals mine. You are so smart and analytical in your thinking. You have an impressive memory. You can recite every single country in the world and tell me all the names of the dinosaurs.

Watching you grow up is bittersweet. I love to see you thrive. Every year you grow taller. I know soon you will be taller than me. Every year you are focused on something new and adding to your repertoire of knowledge. You are learning and appreciating our family traditions. You love your family wholeheartedly and I can see that they love you as if you were their own child.

As you grow I hope we retain this close bond. I know someday you will be driving a car. You will have a job. A girlfriend. Maybe someday children of your own. As you learn and grow you will only strive more for independence and every year I need to let go a little more.

Life is full of changes, but the love a mother has for her son is eternal and unchanging. I love you my sweet boy and am so proud of you. I will never forget the day you came into this world and made me your mom. Thank you for being my son.

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