I am fast approaching my thirtieth birthday. There are days when I can remember running around with my brothers outside; days filled with swimming, climbing trees, and playing hide and seek. There are days when I remember the awkwardness of junior high, the naivety of high school, and times where I still feel like that sixteen year old girl getting engaged (eek…more on that later). Some days I wish I could go back and make different decisions. Every day I am grateful for the life I have lived so far and who I am today: happily married and mom to three children.
Turning thirty results in more introspection than I would care to admit. I more often than not equate my self worth with how much money I am making (let’s be honest I have not “worked” in almost six years), what credentials or college degree I have, or the monster of the bunch: what other people think of me…
Nearly thirty years and what have I accomplished? My three kids are by far my greatest work and the greatest investment of my time. I am not questioning nor downplaying the validity of motherhood. But in the midst of taking care of everyone else, I have forgotten about myself. Perhaps not forgotten, but neglected. It could warrant an entire new post on the ways we mothers sacrifice for our children and how that can spiral into becoming a martyr. Unintentional or not, we fall into patterns and routines and neglecting ourselves becomes the norm. I have decided, as I approach my thirtieth birthday, and as my older two children become more independent, to start to focus more on my wants and needs. How many years have I talked about, thought about, wanted to start my own blog? How many years have I made up excuses or hesitated?
Here begins my resolution to focus more on myself and diving into my life and all that I have experienced. Here begins sharing the frustrations and joys of motherhood. Here begins the process of sharing my past failures and heartbreaks, and perhaps being a beacon of light to someone in need. Here begins sharing my plans and dreams for the future as I figure out what I want out of life. I am a mother, a writer, a giver, a poet, a survivor. I am almost thirty.
What are some accomplishments you are proud of in your own life? What are some things you still want to accomplish?